It happens. Even to those of us who are difficult to offend. All of us have at least one or two weak spots…
If they criticize that it cuts deeps.
If he forgets the special day it devastates.
If she rejects you when you… then…
You know what I mean.
A friend of mine was recently uninvited to participate in a music project. For her, it triggered pain. Not just today’s pain, but years of pain. This rejection reminded of past rejection. This event was supposed to help heal past insecurity. Now it’s just compounded. To make matters worse, she flipped, and she rejected the “rejector.” Her words and her reaction triggered insecurity in him. Now’s there’s more hurt feelings and awkwardness—like a cycle of wounding.
But it doesn’t have to go like that.
Try an experiment:
Here’s how you can get your feelings hurt in a more productive way. (Not that I want your feelings to get hurt, but, you get it.)
- Notice the pain. Don’t go into denial and pretend you’re unhurtable. Pay attention to your emotions and feel what you feel. But don’t respond yet.
- Wait before you react. Don’t react in emotion. Take time. Remove yourself from the situation. Breathe. Do something with your hands (like weave a whip). Train your mind to stay in control of your emotions. You can control your emotions or your emotions will control you.
- Find the source. This thing hurts because a prior thing hasn’t healed. Your emotional reaction is probably slightly more dramatic than the situation warrants. And that’s because of pain from the past. You don’t need Dr. Phil, but you do need to be aware…and desire healing.
- Believe an empowering story. You can let this rejection steal your value and sense of self-worth. Or, you can believe positive truths, encourage yourself, and grow further. You get to choose to believe what this situation really means.
Using my friend’s story as an example: Maybe this isn’t the musical project for you. Maybe there are people better for the job. But you have a unique contribution that they don’t and there’s a project that’s a better fit. And maybe this was just an abrupt way to get your focus onto something else that has more benefit to others and more potential for you. Maybe you get so fixed on what you want and think you deserve that you’re missing what’s best.
There’s more for you…not less. And maybe this hurt is about that.
Maybe this pain you feel is actually going to promote progress… If you let it.