Recently, a mentor of mine said something on his podcast that resonated with me. He said that he doesn’t like to hang out with people who are still overly amped-up and over-eager to be “successful” and impressive. He explained that because this used to be him, he can smell the familiar scent in someone else a mile away and he steers clear.
That scent has been on me. To this day I have to fight it off. It’s that nervous stench of not feeling like I’m enough, masked in pride, comparison, and hustle. And I have to wash it off, daily, in my prayerful/meditative “bath.”
But let’s go further. Because the stench on me can be even worse. The pride and comparison can create a self-protecting religious pride that judges others to prop myself up. I’ve killed a lot of this ugliness, but I’m not free.
At this point in my life, the criticalness is reserved for the critical. So I judge the judgers and pridefully condemn the condemners.
I realized this again recently as I found myself annoyed at a conversation about a high-profile spiritual leader who has this familiar scent. I don’t like him because I don’t like that scent on me.
The next level is grace for all. I’m getting there.