“The word of the Lord came to Jonah son of Amittai: “Go to the great city of Nineveh … But Jonah ran away from the Lord and headed for Tarshish.” Jonah 1:1-3
When we run from the word of God we are also running outside of the will of God. When God tells us to go somewhere and we choose not to go we begin to walk outside of the will of God. He doesn’t change his word just because we don’t like Nineveh. Nineveh doesn’t have to be an actual place–it can be an act.
For me, Nineveh was an act of forgiveness.
During my alone time with God (running outdoor trails, normally) I heard God asking me to initiate forgiveness… and in my opinion, I wasn’t the one who should be apologizing. Shocker! We never think we should be the first to apologize—am I right?
At first it was a whisper. I thought to myself, that is silly; that isn’t God; that was just too much coffee.
But the longer I waited the more unrest I felt in my soul. I kept thinking up schemes, outside of straight up apologizing. Like maybe I would talk to a friend of said people who hurt me and tell them all about my perspective and then maybe said person would come to ME and apologize. But these plans always left me more wound up and unresolved.
But when my thoughts went to forgiveness, that’s when the peace came. (Not-so-much “comfort,” per se, but the promise of peace.) When I began to think through a peaceful reconciliation–that was what my heart desired–I felt like God said, “Yeah, so what if you initiate that? You can do it.”
But God, what do I have to apologize for? This feels crazy. Silence.
Ok, God give me eyes to see their pain. Help me to see this situation from their perspective. Give me a heart for those that have hurt me.
I prayed that prayer for many days. Eventually, I had an idea of what the other party might have been feeling. I wasn’t sure, but I got the sense that there was pain for them–even though it might not be directly associated with me.
Eventually, these whispers became shouts. There was no denying what I was hearing. When I told my closest friends and husband my plan, I told them I wasn’t asking for permission… I am more or less just finding my words, because I am so confident that this is what the shout-whispering Spirit is asking me to do.
Side note: I felt like God challenged me, saying, “How cool would it be if you were the first to apologize, like you won a race!” Ok, ok. Maybe I just needed it to feel like a game to take the edge off.
I wrote my letter tearfully. I didn’t call them out on anything. I just said I wanted to understand their pain. Because, to me, it’s better to attempt peace than to need to be right. In my experience, having unresolved anger and bitterness is tough on the soul. It’s almost as if all our “religious” activity is meaningless if we have unaddressed disunity with others. (Oh, wait. Jesus said that.)
So, do you have any relational pain or bitterness? What would it look like if you took the first step forward–not to call someone out for how they hurt you, but to seek to understand.
The minute I hit send there was an instantaneous release in my soul. Regardless of the outcome. It doesn’t matter. Nineveh might not be the coolest place to go, but it is way better then the darkly, lonely belly of the whale.